One of the very exciting activities going on over here has been the construction of ”The Climbing Cube”. Mimzy being the wise woman she is, thought it would benefit the household to have a place for the boy’s to climb and play during the long winter months. If I had to guess I would say it has taken her about 1.5 months to create this all from a vision in her head. The boys are mastering it quickly and I am enjoying watching them. Thanks Mimzy, we love you!
One of the things I have counted on during the holidays is getting photo cards from family and friends. I love keeping them and looking back at how much people change over the years, especially the kids. After the boy’s were born, I learned about Shutterfly and all the promotions that they have throughout the year.
When the boy’s first birthday and Christmas came along, I knew that I would share with family and friends as they have shared with me over the years. I fell in love with one of the Holiday cards that allows the use of up to 9 photos and gives lots of space for a message. I have used that photo card for the boy’s last two Birthday invitations and I plan to do the same this year. What I love most about it is that I don’t have to settle on just one picture and I have had many recipients cut the message part off and keep the pictures as a keepsake. After the boy’s first Birthday party, Shutterfly was having a big sale on photo stationary so I took one of the pictures of both boys and used that for thank you cards.
The cards are great and convenient but I have to say my favorite Shutterfly products are the photo mugs. Last year I gave them as gifts to some grandparents and I had one made for myself. The boy’s love seeing their pictures on the mugs and it’s a nice memory that I get to share with them.
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. Bloggers get 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly… sign up:http://bit.ly/sfly2010
I get many things forwarded to me, almost on a daily basis and I try to take a look at them. This video was forwarded to me this morning and I just had the chance to look at it. I was touched, inspired and I’ll admit it, I cried. I want more people in the world teaching our children these values. I want these to be our commercials, not what products are going to improve their live but how they have the ability to decide how to perceive their lives.
Take a minute to watch!
A couple of blogs that I follow that have recently brought up the issues regarding bulling and harassment around the gay issue in schools. There have been four known suicides of boy’s in the last month who struggled with this first hand. Lesbian Dad talked about it openly this morning, referring to the responsibility of not only the schools and administration to put a stop to it but for the gay community to share with these youth that things do get better. I normally am not emotionally drawn into these issues but being a lesbian who has two boys that someday will have to face these issues either from having a Mom who is gay or their own individual journey, it breaks my heart.
In these moments, I would like to put my boy’s in a bubble not exposing them to the heartaches of this world. Yet I know that my job is not to shelter them but to educate them about acceptance and tolerance. Teach them that there are adults in their world besides me that they can trust and who love them exactly as they are. However, mostly how to love and accept themselves, a journey that many of are still traveling into adulthood.
I wish there was an easy answer. I wish my children could stay innocent and unscathed. My hope is that 10 years from now when they are entering adolescence the level of acceptance and tolerance will have grown. Moreover, if not my hope is that they will have a strong foundation and a unshakeable sense of self. I know big dreams!
One of my goals for the fall can be checked off my list. We went apple picking yesterday at a nearby orchard and had a great time. I was worried that they would just go through the orchard taking a bite out of every apple they saw so I gave them each an apple to hold onto that they could eat along the way. They had fun hiding in the trees, running down the hill and of course eating the apples. Here are a few pictures:
This post is linked up over at Wordful Wednesday!
So I’ve been MIA again from the blog world. I know I don’t need to make excuses, my life is reason enough, yet I feel the need too. Mostly because I use this blog as a place to process and share, therefore I have not been doing either.
As usual life has been busy. I’ve come to accept (for the most part) that this is my reality for a long time to come. Work has been good. The boy are healthy despite a virus this past weekend. And I am coasting I guess. OR maybe I’ve just learned that taking things in stride and not making everything a crisis is a much more serene place to stand.
Last time I blogged I talked about one of our babysitters leaving. Well finding new childcare has not been smooth sailing and I’ve bee spending more time than usual with the boy’s. Mimzy watches the boy’s 30 hours a week while I am working, going to MD appointments and going to meeting. But my other babysitters I use to have some time for myself and get to a couple more meetings a week. So I am not getting to as many meetings and getting very little me time. So I guess it’s fair to say I can be a bit crankier. I am working really hard on this and some days are better than others. This evening was not one of my better days.
Mealtimes put me right over the edge. The banging of spoons, food falling on the floor, refusal to eat or even try something that I work hard at making. All of these things push my buttons. I make a big effort for use to have meals together when I am not working. I think it’s an important precedence to set and I think it models table manners. Please and Thank you are very familiar to them and they use them frequently without prompting. Listening when I stay “stop that” and not mimicking his brother, not very familiar. I know that them not listening is developmental and that I am reacting from a place of not being heard. Despite knowing those two facts I still can get angry. I know it’s progress not perfection but I still don’t like behaving that way.
My new prayer in the morning is “God please help me love the boy’s exactly where they are and have them know they are loved”.
Life has been a bit busy the couple weeks with lots of medical stuff and just living.
It was decided after a CT scan which showed enlarged adenoids and thickening of his sinus walls that Reese should have his adenoids out which happened this past week. He also had some blood work drawn which showed that his body did not respond to his pneumococcal vaccine. It is as if he did not get any of them. So they gave him another booster and he will have those titers drawn again in a few weeks. And if that wasn’t enough he had an allergic reaction to some chocolate pudding that he has had in the past which landed us in the ER this past Monday night. The poor little guy never gets a break. For some reason he has had to negotiate the majority of the medical issues since birth.
What has come up for me in a big way between the medical stuff and a couple other instances is what being a single parent is really all about. It started when they were tiny and crying at the same time. I had to pick who to respond to first. Figuring out if it was pain, hunger etc and then deciding what the priority was. It has shown up when on the playground and they run in separate directions, quickly triaging who is at the biggest risk for danger. Now it’s balancing physical needs and emotional needs. There is no quick answer or “right” answer. Much of it is going with my gut and saying a prayer.
What has also changed is that we lost a much-loved babysitter this past week. She has been for over 1 ½ years and the boy’s adore her. I felt safe leaving them with her even if there was an emergency and we even have tentative plans for her to stay overnight with them. I remember being a nanny when I was in nursing school and being told that there is no greater gift than having people love your children and keep them safe. I have to agree. She is planning on visiting and possibly doing some weekend coverage for me. But it won’t be the same as having her here 2-3x/week.
This leads to my other issue. I have to find someone to replace her, which has been challenging at best. I have someone I think who can do a meeting for me once a week, but I really need a bigger pool to draw from. I use my babysitters for meetings, extra work shifts and many other things. So right now, I am feeling like my world is getting small and that I will not have enough help. I am reaching out and letting people know that I need child care, I have sent out lots of responses to craigslist ads, now I wait. I don’t feel like I can hire just anybody who has experience with children. They need to be competent in an emergency, be able to keep the boy’s safe when outdoors and have similar values and I do. So it’s been a process.
The difference today is that I go to the place of being overwhelmed and thinking I am going to be dealing with all of this forever, but I only stay there for a few minutes. Then I remind myself that I am taken care of and I try and find the gratitude and gifts in all of it.
I am grateful to have many people in our lives who love us.
I am grateful to have two beautiful and loving children.
I am grateful that no matter what I am taken care of.
Sleeping together the afternoon of Reese's surgery...
This week we went to a new allergist for Reese. I was not happy with the bedside manner of the first guy we saw when he had his first reactions, he seemed very turned off by my level of education around food allergies and my lack of willingness to just “go along” with his suggestions. The second guy I like personality wise but he was not up to date on the latest testing and such. I was about to take him to Boston Children’s Hospital where he is also followed for his seizure history but there was a 4 month wait for the next appointment. Then one day we ran into one of the Early Intervention specialist that he used to work with, she was sitting with another Mom who’s partner happens to be an allergist that is new to town. I called later that day and got an appointment 3 days later.
Reese has a history of peanut, tree nut, egg, corn, coconut and sesame allergies. The peanut has cause an anaphylactic reaction on 2 occasions. The others have caused rashes and GI upset. I had re-introduced the egg and corn last summer after he a I tested negative for them. I thought we were in the clear. He seem to be tolerating them fine, however, he did have these occasional hive episodes and chronic sinus infections. But I didn’t correlate them with his allergies. Until the skin testing they did this past week. Corn has reared it’s ugly head again and she thinks that has been a contributer to his sinus infections and the hives. That was not what I wanted to hear.
Peanut, tree nuts and sesame are fairly easy to avoid in the allergy world. There is corn in EVERYTHING!! Think corn syrup, corn flour, corn starch, corn oil, and the list goes on. I have not been able to wrap my head around it completely. So slowly I am going through our food and putting aside what he can’t have. Going forward I will buy only food that he can have. I am only starting with obvious corn, the list of corn derivatives is long and overwhelming. Chances are since he has not had big reactions to corn then that is all I will have to watch. I hope so.
Wish me luck. This week he has lab work drawn and a CT scan of his sinuses and adenoids. The poor guy doesn’t know whats going to hit him!
I hear people in recovery share about how they no longer know what they enjoy doing or what their preferences for food or really anything are when they first are getting sober. I also hear mothers share that they have forgotten who they are and what they enjoy doing. Interestingly enough I fit into both categories.
I found out I was pregnant with the boy’s 2 weeks before I celebrated my 1 year anniversary in sobriety. I do not think I had really developed a sense of self yet. Then I became distracted by/obsessed with a high-risk pregnancy, preemies and then single motherhood with twins. The books I have read, magazines I subscribed to, music I downloaded etc. all changed to be child or parenting centered. All of these informative and enjoyable but none of it for pleasure only.
Recently I wrote a blog post of the 30 things I will do this summer. I did include a few things on there that are just because I like to do them. However, even looking at that list most of the items are centered on the boy’s and becoming a better parent. I did put on there to read books for enjoyment, write more and learn about photography, which are all things I enjoy. But beyond those and swimming I don’t really know what I enjoy to do. My new goal is to figure out what I like to do, just because I enjoy doing it. Not because someone else will enjoy the results or because it will be good for me.
This morning I took the boy’s to the YMCA and I put them in the childcare so I could go swimming. I have loved swimming as long as I can remember. Something happens when I am underwater and in the zone of doing laps. Nothing else matters and the weight of the day is gone. I have had many conflicting feelings about putting them in the childcare, which has prevented me from utilizing that part of our member ship more. I am fearful because they are not a nut free zone that Reese is going to go into anaphylaxis while I am in the pool. I also struggle with how many hours they are with other people taking care of them, despite the fact that they love playing with “friends” and new toys. So like usual the problem is me and my fears. We have an emergency plan in place for Reese and the boy’s are having fun. I am the only tortured one and I am doing it to myself. I guess I have more soul searching and letting go to do. Luckily it’s progress!
Someone recently asked me what a typical morning in our house looks like. Besides the normal coffee, breakfast, getting dressed here are some pictures of a few morning activities:
getting into trouble!!!
learning new things!
Playing together!
This was part of Wordful Wednesday!!
