Letting go and grieving loss have never been my strong suit. I vividly remember lying in the back seat of car when I was 9 years old crying my eyes out because we were moving more than 1 hour away from my current friends and my Grandparents. I really thought my world was coming to an end. I don’t have to view change and moving that way anymore. I also can model healthy grieving and change for the boys. It seems overwhelming sometimes but more and more it’s an adventure.

On a lighter note the boy’s new adventures include their new scooters. They are so big!

Mimzy will be moving across country which will affect everyone. I struggle with how to explain this to the boys and have this be a healthy experience for everyone. At the same time Mimzy is moving the boy’s and I will be moving also. Not sure where yet! Would love to stay in the same town so the boys can stay in the same school but we will see how the cards fall. Also, we will need to find a new childcare situation. Again too much to wrap my head around, so I will bury my head in the sand for a little while longer.

I am so grateful for all our experiences this last year and for all the love in our lives.

Here is the latest montage!

The visit to the Neurologist started a long search to find a Developmental Pediatrician that would take our insurance and see Reese before next summer. Luckily I have an appointment on 9/21/11 and hopefully will be able to schedule his multidisciplinary evaluation then. I have an IEP meeting at his school on 10/17/11 and unfortunately will not have results back before then. The testing hopefully will give everyone involved in his care the best information going forward with his services.

He is such a creative, intelligent and athletically inclined little guy. I just want him to have success in his school and social settings. I also want him safe and not confined or labelled because of his struggles. I know I am asking a lot.

1.  I love cooking….this is a new discovery. I thought I hated cooking but really I was just lazy and didn’t want to clean up after.

2.  If I had to identify one thing in nature that allows me to feel one with God it would be water. It’s part of everything living and is even in the air we breath.

3.  One of my new favorite show’s is “Teen Mom 2″ on MTV.

4. I really enjoy dancing with my boys (that doesn’t mean I’ll be going out dancing anytime soon).

5. I have a difficult time identifying with other Mom’s at times.

6. I struggle at times meeting my children where they are at, even though that’s want I want from everyone else I have a relationship with.

7. I spend WAY TOO MUCH time researching kids items

8. I find it very helpful to find out “why” someone is behaving the way they are, it is easier for me to elicit some compassion and lay down my judgments

9. I would really love to adopt a little girl

10. Sometimes napping is essential to everyone’s survival.

Also linking up over at Top Ten Tuesday

Clay: “what’s that building Mama, a castle?”
Me: “No, honey that’s a church”
Clay: “what’s a church”
Me: “a church is a place people go to learn about God”
Clay: “who’s God”
Me: holding my breath and hoping he forgot the question
Clay: “WHO’S GOD MAMA”
Me: “Did you see that bird over there?”

For those who have known me my whole life, my reaction and avoidance may surprise you with my long history of going to church, christian schools and camps. Yet, it’s my history with all of those that led me to my reaction. I don’t want my experience and understanding of God to be my childrens’ understanding. Don’t get me wrong I am very grateful for all of that knowledge, it has come in handy a number of times in my life. But that was all it added up to be when my world started crumbling, just knowledge. It hadn’t been an experience or a practice. At some points during my emotional adolescence I would have told you that I had a spiritual experience and that I had a personal relationship with God. What I had was some prayers that I threw to the sky when I didn’t have the answers and I was scared. I didn’t believe or trust that I was going to be taken care of, or that I was unconditionally loved. I didn’t come to believe and trust that until after I turned 30. I hope my children don’t have to wait that long.

When I hit a bottom in my life and started a path of recovery. I was told that I needed to find a Higher Power of my understanding. That I could define and name that Higher Power and that it could be as complicated or simple as I needed it to be. I knew I didn’t want the God that I remembered from some of the schools, churches and camps I had attended. That God was a judging, vengeful entity that already had my life planned out for me. Therefore all of the bad things that had happened in my life had been a result of that God. It was suggested I write out a list of attributes that I wanted/needed from my Higher Power (who I now chose to call God). But when I sat down to write that list I remember crying, I didn’t feel like I deserved to ask for what I needed. So I wrote a list of attributes I couldn’t have in a God. Then I wrote a list of all the times I knew that someone or something had been taking care of me. It became a freeing and fulfilling journey, that I am so grateful for.

Yet, I still don’t have words to explain God to my children.

I clearly remember the moment about 4 years ago I decided not to wait to find the “perfect someone” to start a family with. There was a sense of empowerment knowing that other women had gone before me and successfully conceived and raised children on their own. I am so grateful that in those moments I didn’t project the worse case scenario’s which is my usual default, instead I ran with that intuitive notion and now have two beautiful boys to journey with.

So my question is “How do you parents of preschool age multiples do this and blog or even shower some days?”

Frequently, I have new mothers of twins ask me when it’s going to get easier. My answer is “It doesn’t, the hard parts just become different.” So I have no expectation that life with children, never mind multiples is going to become easy.  Some insight on how to get them both potty trained, to listen when I am in the shower or on the phone, and to stop fighting would be great. Also, how to keep them both healthy while in preschool would be helpful too.

Looking forward to checking out the questions and other blogs tonight after they go to bed, if I can stay awake that long!

January:  There’s no amount of preparing for parenthood that makes it easier…..

February:  Traveling with Multiples: QOTW

March:   Weakness or Strength?

April:     Dear Jillian Michael’s

May:      Top Ten Things I have learned about me..

June:   Summer “will do” list

July:  Finding the Gray

August:  Fall here we come

September: Apple Picking

October:   Top Ten lessons I want my Children to learn

November: Teaching Gratitude

December:  It Came and Went

I have really enjoyed starting this journey of blogging. My hope is that now that the boy’s are starting preschool that I will have more opportunities to share.