This week over at Mama Kat’s Writing Workshop the prompt I chose was:

We talk about mother’s guilt a lot…who needs it? Describe a good mom moment!

The prompt came at a very good point in my parenting. It seems that I can be stuck on the moments that I am not proud of and cannot always see the ways I show up and shine for my kids.

The good mommy moment that comes to mind has been happening over the last few weeks. I worked hard to get the boy’s on a sleep schedule and to fall asleep on their own, in their own beds. I have a lot of fear that if I disrupt the routine that my hard work will fall to pieces and not just affect me but their childcare providers also. So when the boy’s want to snuggle in my bed at bedtime or climb in with me during the night I usually try to meet their need but also get them back in their bed as soon as possible. I also have selfish reasons, in that I do not sleep well when people are cuddling with me, regardless if they are my children or not.

Well I decided that I could find the gray in all of this, since I am a black and white thinker to the core. A week ago Saturday I had worked all day from home and took over their care at dinnertime. We did the usual bedtime routine and they went to bed. I was beat so I retired to my room to watch a movie. Within minutes, I heard the pitter-patter of four little feet and two little face peaked in my bedroom door and asked to lie in “mama’s bed”. My usual response would be to escort them back to their room, remind them that it’s nigh-night time. I decided instead to let them climb in; they quietly snuggled while I watched a movie and fell asleep. And remarkably they didn’t ask again the next night. It was not until Sunday night the next week that they asked again. We read stories, I sang to them and the gift I was given are the angelic pictures below.

I am reminded repeatedly that finding that gray area really provides a level of freedom in my sometimes-rigid world.