My Wish…

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A couple of blogs that I follow that have recently brought up the issues regarding bulling and harassment around the gay issue in schools. There have been four known suicides of boy’s in the last month who struggled with this first hand. Lesbian Dad talked about it openly this morning, referring to the responsibility of not only the schools and administration to put a stop to it but for the gay community to share with these youth that things do get better. I normally am not emotionally drawn into these issues but being a lesbian who has two boys that someday will have to face these issues either from having a Mom who is gay or their own individual journey, it breaks my heart.

In these moments, I would like to put my boy’s in a bubble not exposing them to the heartaches of this world. Yet I know that my job is not to shelter them but to educate them about acceptance and tolerance. Teach them that there are adults in their world besides me that they can trust and who love them exactly as they are. However, mostly how to love and accept themselves, a journey that many of are still traveling into adulthood.

I wish there was an easy answer. I wish my children could stay innocent and unscathed. My hope is that 10 years from now when they are entering adolescence the level of acceptance and tolerance will have grown. Moreover, if not my hope is that they will have a strong foundation and a unshakeable sense of self. I know big dreams!

Apple Picking….

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One of my goals for the fall can be checked off my list. We went apple picking yesterday at a nearby orchard and had a great time. I was worried that they would just go through the orchard taking a bite out of every apple they saw so I gave them each an apple to hold onto that they could eat along the way. They had fun hiding in the trees, running down the hill and of course eating the apples. Here are a few pictures:

This post is linked up over at Wordful Wednesday!

Why Blogging?

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This week over at Mama Kats Writing Workshop the prompt I chose was:

Write about what blogging means to you. Why do you blog? What purpose does it serve you and how have you benefited from sharing a piece of yourself online this way?

I originally started blogging when I wanted to share updates and pictures of the boys with family and friends. I had many people who wanted to know about their progress and my sanity. Since then I have found writing to be therapeutic and somewhat cathartic. I know from experience when I put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) that my truth becomes clear. My journey over the last four plus years has been to find my truth and then share it with the next person. Blogging has become a platform for that.

The benefits have been great. Not only do I get clarity around my thoughts and feelings but also I have gained the realization that I am not unique. I have many comments from readers and personal e-mails sharing their experiences and journeys that are quite similar to mine. I have found that people can identify with the path that I am pursuing and even offer different perspectives. There are times that I get caught up in the idea of how many people are following me or possibly making some money doing this. Maybe someday that will happen. However, for now I will continue to share from the heart and from my experience in the hope that someone else might learn.


Mama's Losin' It

Back to the Beginning: Back to Blogging

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It was two years ago today that I brought my two little “sacks of sugar” home from the hospital. The battle I had with the doctors to bring them home despite some persisting health challenges is becoming a distant memory but the relief that I felt when I sat down in my nursing chair that night and held both of my babies in the comfort of my surroundings I will never forget.

This was my first “real” post the other posts before this were copies of e-mail that I had sent out over the prior years update our loved ones of our lives.

I love this post because I remember the tender spot in my heart while writing it and also the hope that we will continue to grow together as a family.

If I were to change anything today I would have linked it to a meme and I would have shared my feeling more. I have found the more transparent I am the more receptive my readers are.


Pasta Salad

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One of the very easy dishes that I am asked to bring to cookouts etc is my Pasta Salad. I am not sure where the actual recipe came from but I know I have been making it since High School.

First I cut up whatever veggies I have. The ones pictured are from our garden that Mimzy has worked so hard on for us!

I boil a pound of pasta ( usually tri-color rotini  or the bow-ties) and cook until done.

Rinse the pasta with cold water to cool it off and draining.

Mix in with the veggies.

Add 1/2 cup of either shredded or cubed cheese of your choice.

Add 1/4 bottle of Italian dressing (I like Ken’s Northern Italian)

Add 1/4 bottle of Ken’s Lite Parmesan and Peppercorn Dressing

Mix it together and enjoy!!

Don’t Leave Me!!!

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This week over at Mama Kat’s Writing Workshop the prompt I chose was:

Childhood fears you’ve taken into your adult life.

Well that list could be long! I remember being quite fearful as a child although I didn’t share that with many people. I have been told I came across as a very mature child who could take on anything. It was all an act! I was afraid of heights, not being accepted by my peer group, making someone I love angry, the list could go on. The one fear that I know I have whole-heartedly carries into my adult life is my fear of abandonment.

I am not totally sure where that fear came from, I have some suspicions. We moved a lot until I was in middle school, so friends and schools were never the same one year to the next. My mom was quite sick when I was young and spent some time in the hospital, which felt like she was leaving me at the time. Then my Grandparents who I was very close to, moved to Florida and I went from seeing them a few times a month to a few times a year. I do not know which of those scenarios caused my “abandonment issues” but they are ever present.

Today that fear of abandonment shows up in my life less, but when it shows up I feel like a small child again. The behaviors that come from this fear are mostly my people pleasing because I am afraid if “you” are not happy with me, then “you” will leave and sometimes I get very anxious if someone I care about is not reciprocating in our friendship, thinking that they are ending it. Neither of these are healthy behaviors or helpful in my relationships. The good news is that I am aware of them and awareness is the first step to changing any behavior. Also when that small child shows up today I am usually able to tell her that everything is alright!

Mama's Losin' It

Fall here we come…… (Top Ten Tuesday)

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Top Ten Things I want to do this Fall:

  1. Pick apples- I remember picking apples when I was little and loving it. I would like to make homemade applesauce and store it this winter. So apple picking will be fun and fruitful!
  2. Ride the Polar Express- this might seem like a winter activity but it borders on fall. I am planning on getting tickets for the Friday after Thanksgiving and taking the boy’s. I cannot wait to see their first train ride and have it be on the Polar Express.
  3. Pick Pumpkins- I have a picture that I will always treasure of the boy’s sitting on a wagon holding pumpkins. I am hoping to pick our own this year and get another treasured memory.
  4. Jump in piles of Leaves- I know the boy’s will LOVE doing this and hoping I can find my inner child and join them.
  5. Walks in the Woods- The boy’s are very fortunate to have a Mimzy who takes them hiking most days that she is watching them. This has not been an activity I have attempted solo. I do not like the heat but love the fall. So hiking we will go!
  6. Try new recipes- I have really enjoyed trying new recipes especially healthy tasty ones. One of my goals over the summer was to try new recipes. I achieved that goal and would have exceeded it except the house becomes unbearably hot when the oven is on, so once it is cool I will cook uninhibited by the weather.
  7. Work on the boy’s indoor play area- With colder weather approaching and days on staying inside, it is imperative with 2.5-year-old boys to have a place they can expend all their energy. Right now, we have a jump-o-lene that they love and some space to run. Mimzy is planning to build a climbing cube; I am hoping it becomes their new favorite indoor activity.
  8. More structured sit down activities- the boy’s will be starting preschool in January after they turn 3 years old. Right now, they are able to do very short quiet activities. I am hoping to slowly build their tolerance of sitting while having fun and learning.
  9. Find new books for them- I am always looking for more books for them. This year I would like to find themed books that go along with the seasons and holidays to start teaching them about how our world works and why we celebrate.
  10. Have Fun- I have been told that I am a “human being not a human doing”. When I am able to stay present, I always have more fun. Really, I want my children to have fun with me while knowing they are loved.

This Weeks Culinary Adventures…..Apple Oatmeal

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I have really enjoyed reading some blogs that include weekly recipes or “food adventures”. Changing my eating habits and passing those new habits onto the boy’s has become more important to me as they get older and develop preferences. Frequently when I am working on the computer I “surf the web” perusing the numerous blogs I follow looking for new recipes to try. My hope is to share them with you and also share the adjustments I have made  to meet my health standards and the boy’s taste-buds.

The first recipe I will share I found on a blog that I frequent.


Apple Oatmeal

Ingredients:

2 eggs

3 teaspoons cinnamon

1/4 cup brown sugar

3 tablespoons pure maple syrup

4 cups milk (I use 1% milk)

1 cup old-fashioned rolled oats

1 cup quick oatmeal

4 large apples cored and diced

Instructions:

1. In medium-large mixing bowl, lightly beat the eggs. Stir in cinnamon, brown sugar, maple syrup, milk, oats, and apples.

2. Pour mixture into a greased 9×13-inch baking dish or 2 8 x 8 baking dishes. Bake uncovered at 375 degrees for 40 minutes or until hot, bubbly, and mostly set in the middle.

I made my adaptations from Tammy’s Easy Baked Apple Oatmeal. The first time I made it I followed her recipe exactly and it was wonderful. But I knew the boy’s would like more apples and I preferred to cut the salt and brown sugar. I added maple syrup and increased the cinnamon. I also was finding it took a lot longer to set in the middle at 350 degrees so I increased the temperature to 375 degrees and I used both quick and old fashioned oats.

This is great to make at the beginning of the week and then reheat on busy mornings. I find when I reheat it I need to add a little more milk to bring back the creamy texture.

I hope you try it and enjoy it as much as we have!!

Gone again…

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So I’ve been MIA again from the blog world. I know I don’t need to make excuses, my life is reason enough, yet I feel the need too. Mostly because I use this blog as a place to process and share, therefore I have not been doing either.

As usual life has been busy. I’ve come to accept (for the most part) that this is my reality for a long time to come. Work has been good. The boy are healthy despite a virus this past weekend. And I am coasting I guess. OR maybe I’ve just learned that taking things in stride and not making everything a crisis is a much more serene place to stand.

Last time I blogged I talked about one of our babysitters leaving. Well finding new childcare has not been smooth sailing and I’ve bee spending more time than usual with the boy’s. Mimzy watches the boy’s 30 hours a week while I am working, going to MD appointments and going to meeting. But my other babysitters I use to have some time for myself and get to a couple more meetings a week. So I am not getting to as many meetings and getting very little me time. So I guess it’s fair to say I can be a bit crankier. I am working really hard on this and some days are better than others. This evening was not one of my better days.

Mealtimes put me right over the edge. The banging of spoons, food falling on the floor, refusal to eat or even try something that I work hard at making. All of these things push my buttons. I make a big effort for use to have meals together when I am not working. I think it’s an important precedence to set and I think it models table manners. Please and Thank you are very familiar to them and they use them  frequently without prompting. Listening when I stay “stop that” and not mimicking his brother, not very familiar. I know that them not listening is developmental and that I am reacting from a place of not being heard. Despite knowing those two facts I still can get angry. I know it’s progress not perfection but I still don’t like behaving that way.

My new prayer in the morning is “God please help me love the boy’s exactly where they are and have them know they are loved”.

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