Tag Archives: parenting

QOTW…. Mother’s Intuition?

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The Question of the Week over at Multiples…and More! is:

Do you believe in Mother’s intuition?


I found this topic to be quite thought provoking. I do believe that as I have developed a relationship with both of my children that I have gained some “intuition”. Part of that is spending 24/7 with them and knowing every inch of them. Part of it I believe is a bond created throughout the pregnancy/birth process. Now that is not to say by any means that Mother through adoption or surrogacy does not have that same intuition, I have heard that there is just a bigger learning curve.

There have been times when I have known that something is just not right, long before the ear infection is diagnosed. I knew before the ultrasound that there was more than one baby; I was just praying it was not more than two. I am frequently awake before they wake up in the middle of the night when they need me. I am not sure if that is intuition or coincidence.

What is definitely becoming intuitive for me is when I know what to do as a mom or when I need to ask for advice or help; knowing how to explain a difficult situation or feelings at a child’s level; knowing when I need to take some time for myself and many other situations that I could name.

I am sure that did not gain these skills because I birthed children. I know that developing a conscious contact with something greater than me and trusting that, has invited that level of intuitiveness into my life.  My job is to keep that connection open……


If only….

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This week over at the Writer’s Workshop one of the topics is:

When do you first imagine yourself wishing you were older or bigger?


Growing up I always remember being a little adult. I was usually hanging out with the adults or the older kids. I related more and was more interested in the topics of conversation. My first real memory of wanting to be older was when I was about 8 years old and my mother was sick. She had been in and out of the hospital for what seemed like months. My little brother was 4 years old and neither of us understood the severity of the situation. My father was in and out of work but really focused on my mom and trying to take care of us kids. I was staying at a friend’s house so I could get to school in the morning and my brother was staying with my Nana and Papa. There was very little stability at that time and although no one was saying it aloud, I knew things were bad. There was a strict no visitor’s policy for children at the hospital and I remember listening to my mom cry on the phone when she said goodnight to us. We were snuck in once by a friend of the family who worked at the hospital but it was not the same as being able to visit daily. I remember the moment vividly. I was sitting on the front steps of my grandparents house and I remember thinking “if I was seventeen I could visit mommy every day, I would be all done with school so I could be working and they wouldn’t have to worry so much”.  My mom did get better but my desire to grow up too fast did not. Now that I have had a chance in recovery to revisit my childhood and look at some of this stuff in a different light, I am getting more comfortable at being child-like with my children. This has been one of the biggest gift for there is no faith or trust like that of a childs.

Mama's Losin' It

Body image…

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So having children has forced me to look at my ideas of modesty and body image. I was at the YMCA the other day in the women’s locker room realizing how uncomfortable I am with nakedness. Another woman had gotten out of the shower and felt very free to dry off, apply lotion and deodorant while in her birthday suit. I was crawling out of my skin. I was afraid to look in her direction in fear that she would think I was evaluating her body, but I did not want to be rude and not acknowledge her either. I am the complete opposite. I go to the shower that is furthest back, I do not take my bathing suit off until I am in the shower and I get dressed in a closed dressing room. I am not sure the exact root of my modesty. I am sure it has something to do with being overweight the majority of my life. It is not something I want to pass onto my children.

Reading parenting books, magazines, and blogs is a favorite pastime of mine. Lucky for me this topic comes up frequently, apparently I am not the only person who has faced this demon. I am not all modest around the boy’s at this point. They are still only 2 years old and do not really care much about other people’s body parts. I let them run around in the buff after diaper changes for a few minutes to “air out” and last summer they played in their wading pool naked. I talk about the parts of the body using their “real” names and I am matter-a-fact during those interactions. However, beyond that I am not sure what my role is in neutralizing a very awkward topic for me. Any ideas???

The first trip of many…

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Mama's Losin' It

I am participating at the Writers Workshop again this week. The topic: Tell us about your trip!

It was June 2008, the boys were 6 months old and I was asked to go to Cape Cod for a work trip. I had done some small trips to see family in NH the couple of months proceeding that but I had not stayed in a hotel with them and they had not done a car trip that long before. I knew it was a trip I couldn’t do alone so I asked Mimzy to join us. Little did she know that this was going to be a first of many work trips with us! The hotel was booked and the planning began.

Packing was a big deal. We needed 2 pack-n-plays, bouncy seats, baby food, diapers etc… I bought the portable DVD player and brought Baby Einstein videos. The ride ended up being over 4 hours because of Cape traffic and the need for frequent stops. I had just purchased my minivan, which was such a godsend. We had room to pack everything, places to lay the boys down to change diapers and I used the back seat to nurse them without an audience.

When we arrived it was later than expected so we got take out, went to the hotel and got the boy’s changed fed and to bed. We had dinner, watched TV and went to bed. They slept really well in the pack-n-plays, which was a pleasant surprise. The next morning we got up, had coffee and breakfast then took the boys into the pool. It was their first time in a pool and neither of them was too enchanted. I was a bit disappointed since I have such a love of swimming. We then checked out of the hotel and went on our search for a small bit of ocean to dip their feet in and some good ice cream. The picture below is of their first ocean experience. Clay was perplexed but tolerant of it, whereas Reese wanted nothing to do with it.

I went and did my training. We had dinner at a great Mexican restaurant and then headed home. It was not that exciting of a trip but the confidence that I gained in traveling with my boys was priceless. I also have some great pictures and memories that I treasure.

The “next right thing” in parenting….

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There is this idea in recovery of doing the “next right thing”. In making decisions about work, relationships and living life in general, our goal is to do the “next right thing”. These become instinctive with time and practice. For me it is like driving in a snow storm only able to see 20 ft ahead but knowing that is all I need to see and when I hit the next 20 ft I will know then what I need to do. This idea has worked well for me all areas in my life except parenting.  With parenting, I think that I need a more encompassing view. There is much evidence that how we nurture and discipline our children influences their self-awareness and their coping skills, as they become adults. My innate desire to be perfect as a parent frequently has me up at night wondering how the day’s events are going to play out into their adolescence and adult lives. The problem is that they are only 2 years old and I know better. I know there is no perfection in any areas of life. I know that being aware of my weaknesses and strengths is half the battle in trying to change any behavior. I also know that regardless of what kind of parent I am my children will probably need therapy. Therefore, I ask myself at 3 am “why are you torturing yourself about perfection if there is no such thing?” The answer is always fear and habit. It is a bad habit of mine to stay in the negative and beat myself up whenever possible. And my biggest fear is failure.  I do not know how to get rid of that fear except to remind myself that I have lots of evidence that as long as I am doing the “next right thing” it is all happening exactly as planned. Thankfully, it is no longer my plan.

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